-.-

These days have been anything but slow. Life has picked up a remarkable speed. everything was dead for so long....killed by heat probably. damn summer months. ironic that this season once meant completely remarkable mind sets and what not. things haven't been life changing lately. perhaps i grew out of it? i dont know.
well. the point is......today. oh god, today. it was somewhat chilly-in the 70's. it was nice for a change. The storms were rolling in. this caught my attention, of course. i became restless....oh so restless! frantically running about my room, gathering the essentials....keys...ipod....matty-i swear that dog is my own damon. i see so much of myself in her... anyways.....i ran out the door. i had a place in mind. i drove quick--pushing the car. seeing when it would tell me 'no'. it never did. so i continued speeding through the roads, navigating my way to the perfect spot. haven't felt like this in ages.i drove out in the hills. the sky.....rain.....and those masssive clouds just covering the valley. heart out of chest to say the least! i try not to smoke but today, cigarette after cigarette for some reason. felt good in a way. i get to the top of this sepia toned hill. huge boulders are placed here and there. i stop the car, get out, matty bouncing behind me as usual. i scurry up a large-ish rock....red in color...reminds me of pummice in a way. all these crevaces in it....holes littered with cigarette butts and dirt. matty jumps up without hesitation. shes a good dog. i face west. sit down with my knees to my chest and just.,...revel. matty stands by me with her little pink nose going all over the place. the wind was powerful! i thought about tying my hair back but decided not to......i liked the feeling. looking out at that sky today just made me realize so many things. made me realize at what an interesting turn life has made. that new source of inspiration that has entered my life.....i thought about him a lot. i dont know why im so attatched to this person. i feel things with him though. actual round feelings. and i dont think he quite understands what that entails, but god i hope so. its a very genuine feeling. very powerful. its a bond i cannot even begin to explain.....something that i'll only figure out with time.
and.
for once.
i do believe i am content. my insides feel like they've being ripped into so many pieces but....its really good. im being enveloped by something huge right now. its coming right for me...it has been for awhile-i just didnt notice. and now, look.
its right here.
looking at me straight in the eyes.
waiting for me to make some move.
should i dance for it or simply pretend i dont see it??
either way, its going to make itself known.
mmm..the unknown. all that vastness. maybe thats why i cling to the sky so much. something so...noble.??..so....ominous! something completely familiar to all of us, we see it everyday. yet. all the time, theres that complete mystery about it.
i crave a lot of things right now. im getting shakey typing this. i have this feeling in the pit of my stomach....i haven't felt this in a long time. today has been good.

i think ive found passion again. im not talking about love passion-im speaking of the passion that you can feel in the back of your eyes. deep in your stomach. almost euphoric.
.......things have changed so much. im happy. i thrive for change. sometimes i let nostalgia get the best of me. i know this. but....today. today seems completely different. its strange. almost eerie.
even the smells. things smell new. fresh. im glad these seasons are a constant change. one of the few constants i can rely on.



this place is impressive.