i feel out of place. and im really cold....physically. all shivery. lately i haven't been very comfortable. its hard for me to relax. life has been going at 100+ mph the past few weeks....and thats how i like it....yet, at this time...in this phase that im enveloped in, i just cant get myself to settle into it.
its strange. i shouldn't feel like that. no reason to. ive been getting pretty irritated at little things lately. i hope those close to me haven't noticed. -.-

i also feel trapped. trapped in this fuckin work/home/jake/fuckin tired cycle that ive gotten thrown into. the jake part of the mix is good but the rest is soooo stressfulll. and people. oh, people are a sin! humans are a disease. like ringworm. or...parvo... i cant deal with it. i just want to go off and be by myself for awhile. i'd like to go into the woods now....gaze up at some night time views and taste that crispy woodsy taste. id rather be cold up there...not in this people/smog/stress infested city. i'd like to go now. i'll pack my duffel bag of necessities and travel up into the unknown. i spent all day talking to coworker girl about her problems-throwing advice at her like a human throwing a ball to an eager ass dog. what about me?? maybe i should explain my "problems" to people but a lot of the time i choose not to. well, i tell Love a lot.....but he still only knows so much. -.- i just want to bitch to someone and not feel awful.

...ugh. *shivers*
cold.



jake brought up a day today. long ago. me, him, pk, and sophia when we went on that oh-so significant drive to jordan valley. oh, how that was the beginning of so many things. the life of me. and ironically enough the death of me at the same time. i remember being completely head over heels with pk at the time and just fucking admiring him. what an impressionable age i was at!!
im thinking a lot. shakey thinking. and this is the point where i just have to stop typing because the past 3 years are just colliding into me right now. event after event after god damn event.....making dents in my skin they hit me so hard.....



*sigh* fucking life.........gawd.