glorious

Today it was very nice out...in the 70s for sure. I definatly wanted to take advantage of this oppurtunity so Matty and i went to the foothills. My super-over-played cd of cradle of filth (x.x) was playing due to my laziness of not wanting to find another music choice. Matty and i arrived on the road that meets up with Reserve Rd......whatever its called....its the one that leads to the gazebo area. We parked somewhere new. why? i do not now. a dirt patch with 3 or 4 cars parked on it. we got out and went down a hill and, yes, there was a dog park i had never even new existed. what luck! matty frolicked but quickly grew bored and a little antisocial. i was glad to leave the awkward dog park conversation ("what kind of dog is that?? how old is she? Oh thats so cute! mine does this. mine does that..") i hate dog park small talk with a passion. >.< im just going to pretend i am deaf next time.
anyways. we climbed a hill and i was not sure where it would lead me, but i welcomed the mystery. i dislike knowing my destination.
unfortunatly the path did lead me somewhere familiar, but i didnt mind. because the place it brought me to was the notorious gazebo. holy place. energy fueled wooden sanctuary. i sighed as i approached it. how funny it looks...all decrepit. graffiti here and there. This odd little creation placed on top of this mighty hill...
i walked to the cement picnic table that was under the gazebo and layed down on it. matty sniffed around as i thought.
It is a fine thinking place. Wind in my ears. Eyes focused in between the wooden planks that make up the roof, and onto the sky.
I thought about my friend Mindy...20 year old mother of 4. i feel very sad for her. she has no time for herself. no time to think. no way she would have the time to come out to a place like this and contimplate life. i am glad i am me.
on that picnic bench i thought about the way i feel about things..
I thought about the mind. human intellect at its finest. if you set yourself to do so, you could reach depts of the mind that you wouldnt think were even possible. The way i see it, in a very literal way, is that the mind is black. a darkish gray. maybe a little brown. when conjuring lesser known and understood feelings about things, you travel backwards. into a yellowish white area. you pass this barrier and you are instantly in the universe. the universe is your own. and the universe is in your mind...always waiting...patiently counting the days, hours, seconds, until you decide to acknowledge it. I think its so incredible, so extremely overwhelming to think and...to even comprehend...that we as humans are capable of the things that we are. look at all the incredible scientists, philosophers, artists...people in general. look at the things we have accomplished. conundrums we have figured out. We potentially have the answer to space and time but the sad thing is is that the majority of the human-being population turns the other cheek when exposed to the idea. People these days are blind and stupid. Wanting instant satisfaction...and satisfaction with things that they can hold and touch. see. they will not even try to conceive the "impossible". I swear i will never let my mind end up numb and cold...
i have travelled to that whitish yellow gate to the mental universe many times and i will continue making trips there. perhaps i'll build a summer house there too.

I think everyone is connected. every person...every animal. i think we all have a sort of mental tie that is wrapped around every being...like those string lights during christmas time. i wish people could learn from each other more thoroughly though. thats the point of being strung together...to take in mind other peoples expereinces, thoughts, ideas. its frusterating we will never know another person truly. Know them to their most extreme. And vice versa. no one will ever know you the way you perceive yourself. Nobody will know what you see in your mind when you try to explain to them your favorite memory. or your most intense experience. or whatever it may be. we are all our own little enigmas. our own universes. ^.^

I am listening to Castlevania4 midis...well....the cave/waterfall midi on repeat. it is cozy. that game is incredible.