owww

damn. i am in a rut! I am tired of little old meridian and am ready to fly the coop but my lack of funds and a steady job are hindering me from fulfilling that dream. I am most likely going to apply either CSI or University of Phoenix to obtain my Associate Paraprofessional Education degree. should i get a teaching emphasis or...i dont know. I would just like a job, please. damn the school district and their employee cuts. damn old crones for gettting to stay on the bill due to their rediculous seniority.

reality has hit me in the face tonight. oh god damn it gave me a bloody nose.

cliffs, mountains, water, and woods

"The idea that God is an oversized white male with a flowing beard, who sits in the sky and tallies the fall of every sparrow is ludicrous. But if by 'God,' one means the set of physical laws that govern the universe, then clearly there is such a God. This God is emotionally unsatisfying... it does not make much sense to pray to the law of gravity."

Jake, Matty, and I went to the woods this weekend. to the boise forest near crouch...it was cozy. we climbed on things and explored strange roads. My inhibitions are becoming less of a nuisance when it comes to altering my perceptions. it is no goal of mine but it is a part of myself i am gaining back. for learning purposes. understanding.
..inhibitions. why do we even acknowledge them? -.-
the woods are a wonderful place.
filled with an eerie yet simply euphoric energy.
I have come back with something.


i am listening to current 93...i have finally read about the source of the music and yes, jake was right...its a very interesting subject. the gnostic reasoning of this David Tibet character definatly catches my attention. the lyrics of "in the heart of the woods..." mentions the cliffs of moher. looking at photos of this irish destination definatly makes that song a little more cogent. i would like to go there....it looks like a place that you're obligated to spend time at....

SUCCULENT WILD MATTYPIG

okay. let me try to explain.
i am listening to this classical music....slightly similar to that indescribable thomas tallis masterpiece. consequently i have this feeling in my core. some kind of tie to complete freedom...
it puts me in a place that is out. out from the city..and the people...and the every-day troubles we are constantly thrown into. maybe the atmosphere in this "out" place is warm but with a sneaky breeze. it is definatly night time. wind smells are sifting into my nasal passages like gold is sifted from streams. only the good ones are noticed. sky=bright. a clear night with the galaxy visible. look around. nothing. sillhouettes of trees and maybe far off mountain peaks.
that is where i like to be.
out where there are no inhibitions...physically nor mentally. here you are free to spelunk the deepest niches of the mind.
i have felt this and so have you.
it is what motivates me.
more rather, what drives me.

words, i am often lacking..


feelings...
i admire. how do we come up with these?

*peers out from under an oversized hat*

nice smells-
1. of course, hot laminator.
2. dog paws.
why do dog paws smell like a newly vacuumed room???