ebb and flow of universal tides

oh, i feel as though something big has awoken inside of me. i get these feelings sometimes....some force begins tossing and turning within my being and my entire entity seems lost in it. but it is the good kind of lost..the kind that you are happy to be enveloped in.
Last night was very good. very strange, but very good. jake and i went up to Arrowrock Dam and pitched a tent in an awkward little "armpit" of the dirt road. It had many trees and bushes and water at the shore.... interesting little cubes were stubbornly consumed. and then thats when things took off. I hadn't done this in quite awhile and so of course i was hesitant but...damn. The sky was just...overwehlming. i haven't experienced something like that in ages. it was a completely exhilerating event. >.> it makes my throat burn just contimplating the beauty of it....not just the atmosphere we were in but also who i was in the company of...and the almost necessary mental patterns i captured within...

i hold things like that very close.
so, so close.

inferno

i need to read this....and i mean the book! not just the synopsis on wikipedia. >.>

I am such a hypocrite when it comes to words. On one hand i preach that they are ineffectual little clumps of letters that are just used to make life a bit more tangible. On the other hand, it seems that these words are the complete basis for all emotions/theories/conjectures that escape the ever-so complex human mind. With words, assuming you've played scribe and actually written things down, you can instantly be thrown into...yes....round feelings. you can leave your present state of being and cover yourself up with things once understood and felt and knew.. Instead of sitting here on your comfy-ish chair in front of your weird computer monitor that makes your face glow here in this dark room, you can take yourself to a place that has no walls. no limitations....only words are familiar now. today has been a day of nostalgia. oh, i hate nostalgia. i loathe it. but.....sometimes i go looking for it. i dont know why and... i shall never know what exactly that driving force behind this crave for nostalgia is. we all have it. i know this at least. i am not the only one whos heart floats...whos eyes ache at the relentless pull of that ineffable series of sentimental thoughts. do not deny. i am curious as to why these feelings exist. should i sit down with them and admire them? build on them? find them a new hiding place? not sure. they visit me when they please, coming and going much like an illusive wind. for the moment i welcome their visits. although they do make me awfully restless. almost make me guilty for just sitting here, reading words. Words! dont you see? they are all just WORDS and look! Look at the sort of things they are capable of provoking in one. perhaps i should correct myself when i say that words are not of high importance because, in reality, ....they are everything. they give life to life that gives life and so on. speaking of.. life is at an interesting place right now. im not immensely esctatic about anything, and im not completely rolled up in a sort of somber trance. i am, for the moment, content. the valley is getting warmer. another summer is stretching its legs. how strange its already been almost a year for the mate and i. I am still amazed at our bond...i think it will always fascinate me. this mate of mine is a source of so many things for me; my companion to traverse the land with.......my partner to question universal anomalies with....my comic relief and my personal anchor all rolled up into one. there are too many connotations for him. He is one i will run in meadows and bound about in endless clearings with. our tails bouncing as paws hit the ground, kicking up new earth under some sort of majestic moonlight.
that is all.

WE BBBYYY

8-ish pm. matty and i went downtown to caitlins abode to give her my late birthday gift. it was a 'tribal' style wolf...done with india ink on cardboard. i had been eyeing tribal-style things all day and decided to try my hand at it. it came out alright! took me forever though. I get to her house and surprise! shes leaving. "oh im going camping and i was going to invite you but...." voice trails. so then i got back in my car. i drove to the co-op to get some ginseng. but they were closing in ten minutes and i was feeling pressured! so i left! got back in the car and ended up going to the ridiculous, and i emphasize 'ridicuous!, dog park!! Ok. the concept of a dog park is this: a bunch of lonely ass/ mentally unstable sons of bitches wrangle their dogs together and bring them into a fenced area. about 70% of the people that come are huge and old. the other 30% are okay to look at until they open their mouths..."oh...MY DOG>...MY DOG....SHE EATS LIKE THIS....MY DOG....SHE DOES THIS!...." holy crap. and then they ALL ask the same questions and tell you the same things..."HOW OLD IS HE?" "WHAT KIND OF DOG IS THAT?" "BAHHH WE GOT OUR DOG HERE" and then theres the thing i absolutely hate...its when they comment on YOUR dog..trying to tell you what breed it is and what not. "ITS PART RHODESIAN RIDGEBACK". fuck no shes not. are you crazy? have you even SEEN one?? god damn i worked with dogs for how long and i only saw one. i hate dog parks. go, matty. run around. have your fun chasing the other k9s but, for the love of mike, dog-park people, please dont talk to me. you push me over the edge! THis one 800lb old woman kept telling me about her puppys' eating pattern and after that i was done. i took off and me and matty went and layed down in the cemetary. by this time it was dusk. oh...yea. and during this time i was guzzling down a ridiculous amount of kava and it felt great. it made the dog park bearable. i forgot how numb your tounge can get when consuming that much. i love kava. new guilty pleasure. thoughts become quite lucid and everything seems more enjoyable. music tonight was just great. more internal...if that makes sense. anyways. after the dog park i decided to head home. i really wanted to read my dystopian novel. i cant put it down. i layed in bed this morning for like an hour reading it. ive been so into books lately. ^.^ I decided to take Hill Rd. home. why? because i adore it. i live for the tree tunnel at the end. as i drove down hill road i came to the intersection the West jr. high sits on. the sky was getting darkish. still fairly light but...you know...it was twilight time. ive never driven down that road but im glad i did. i searched the eye pawed for suiting music and settled for Rasputina. it had been so long since ive listened to them. i turned my stereo up as loud as it could go while still maintaining good sound quality (^.~) and sped down the hillside road. it led me to an expensive rolling neighborhood....i whipped through it, juggling my attention between the road and the sky. i came to a few dead ends, which was okay. quick manuevers got me turned around and i was off again. eventually i came to a very sudden hault...the road just kinda stopped...a barrier sign was placed where the road should have continued. beyond this inconvenience was something great. a little valley among some fine hills. the light on it was darkish light. and it looked oh-so appetizing! i got out of the car and of course, matty followed me. the air was crisp, which is odd for the first week of june. we walked down a dirt path..and it eventually turned into running down the path! it just felt so good to be under the universe in my little bubble in this newfound area. eventually we made our way back to the car and retraced our tire steps. back on hill rd, through the lovely, lovely tree tunnel, and back to civilization. i looked for steve at the cemetary. but he was not there. he finally payed off his stump chumper! good for you, steve! I drove down meridian/ustick and went to settlers park. they play movies there on friday nights on a big roll our screen. it was packed. and also very cold. i looked at it from my car but was too cold to get out! plus i was getting tired. D: so then we went home. i ate some food. and here i am. writing about it.

i am missing my man i think too. i havent seen him in a couple days. *crawls in a hole*

holy crap

oh wow! Today was an interesting one. I drove to work this morning, a half of a granola bar in my hands....not expecting what would come! I go into the classroom and all the students were like, "PICTUREZZ PICTUREZZ". So we all took photos together. its weird because you know they'll keep those pictures forever! Your frozen face permanently in their collection. o.O We passed out yearbooks and the trading frenzy began. all i really wrote in the kids' books was "...read a book" or something relevant to that. i think i wrote a few "KNOWLEDGE IS POWER" signatures too. hahaha. oh yes. The day was a half day so the periods were short. no tampon needed. we were sitting in the dark classroom, watching cartoons and waiting for the bell to ring.
waited. waited. waited.
and. it never rang. Instead, the lady principals' voice sounded over the intercom and kept on telling the teachers to check their email. she made this annoncement about 7 or 8 times in chunk of time which ended up lasting about 3 hours. During this time the kids were getting anxious. poor cody just wanted people to sign his book. you can only watch old cartoons for so long. D: I went to the back and asked what was up. because i had no idea why we weren't leaving the room. AND THEN i learn that we are in a hardcore lockdown and there are dogs and cops coming out of the woodwork on the campus. holy crap. i had no idea that any of this was going on. that explained why all the blinds were closed and why no one was allowed to leave the room. turns out they found a magazine clip of 'active' bullets on campus. and on top of that there was a bomb threat. oh crap.. long story short, we were let go eventually and the day proceeded. But...damn. thats the second lockdown we had in about 2 or 3 weeks. OH yea..haha. and so there was NO announcement the whole time about the lockdown...just "teachers please check your email". at the very end, the last announcement said "thanks! the lockdown is over"! you can imagine the way the students reacted to this. "WE WERE IN A LOCKDOWN??!!" hahahahaha. so funny. but super creepy.
i got to stand in the big huge line of teachers and wave the buses away. that was fun.i remember the teachers doing that when i was in 8th grade. never thought id be one of them. also attended a teacher bbq. all the paras were on edge due to uncertainity of a job next year. mindy got fired due to poor attendance. point for me! oops.
oh and yesterday mingo walked out. the last thing he said to me was "crooked bastards" in reference to the administrators as we hurried to class in the morning.. then during my lunch i hear he just kinda left. >.> so strange.
i didnt even get to say goodbye to half of my students. the lockdown skewed the schedule. i will miss that job.

yesterday i went for a good drive. the sky was chalky and colorful. neutrals. huge clouds stamped accross it.